Monday, March 18, 2013

The Eyes of March

Yes, you read that correctly. Not the Ides of March but the Eyes of March. This is what reportedly happened. I'll fill in what really happened if I have those facts available at press time. I don't know how I slept through all the excitement but I did. This is the story as it came across the AP.

TW was sound asleep on her side of the bed. When she sleeps, she brings the covers all the way up to her eyes because I a certain Mexican zombie cat named HHGutt attacks her during the night if any part of her is showing. [ED note: CK, you know it's you who attacks me.] One more remark like that Woman and I'm getting Pop to type this. He'll even draw blood through her nighties. Anyway, TW was all covered up while she slept when she awoke suddenly. Teeth were attached to her eyeball! My The lower jaw was on the bottom lid and my the top jaw on the upper lid. Some cat HHGutt was trying to pull her eyeball right out of the socket. She freaked and you know how scary that can be! She pried me him off and ran to the bathroom—muttering HBO words all the way—to see if the delicate skin was broken on her eyelid or if, Cod forbid, the actual eyeball was punctured. She said it hurt like a sonnamabitch, whatever that is.


Since she was up, she reluctantly gave me my breakfast since the attack took place at the exact time I usually get fed in the morning. At least Gutt got that right. I cannot imagine how such an attack could've taken place but I took the blame. TW said she had a headache for 2 days after that and I once again found myself sleeping with Pop. Can you believe that now when she does open her bedroom door, she's been sleeping with sunglasses on? She thought she was smart but not smart enough. A few days later, she awoke with a set of teeth clamped around her nose. Yep, this little ghetto kitteh again took the rap. If'n I had thumbs, HHGutt wouldn't be that smart cos he'd be making his way down the chute into the compacter room where all the garbage goes.

33 comments:

Sparkle the Designer Cat said...

CK, how come you get the blame for everything? If your human does not believe it was HHGutt, then tell her it was Binga - she used to attack the humans' faces in the morning when she was a kitten. It took a while before she figured out that human faces were not toys... but she will still bite noses, if given the opportunity.

Mr Puddy said...

Poor TW ! but sorry I have to laugh when she did HBO...MOL
Well what I say " Her Whole face must be really yummy ! "
And what I will do for her. I paws crossed for her
xoxo

PS : I used to sit on my mom's face...tee..heh

Sometimes, Cats Herd You said...

How come you end up taking the fall for everything that goes on there, CK? That's hardly right. Doesn't TW know that there's a resident cat named Not Me?

Simba said...

Uh, oh, don't say that about the garbage chute - since TW believes it was you, she might get some bad ideas about who to push down it.

But really, CK, you better give HHGutt a talking to about this.

Molly The Wally said...

Ha ha we are laughing too ...opps sorry TW.
Well that is one way to get your breakfast on time. Have a marvelous Monday.
Best wishes Molly

Brian said...

Well it sure isn't your fault CK! It was the Pope vote and the eyes had it!

Prancer Pie said...

Wow CK, you're taking a bad rap for HH Gutt! Seems like he's really got it "in" for the Woman!

Kruse Kats said...

Instead of "The Attack of the Killer tomatoes", it was "Attack of the Unnamed Cat". good one!

The Island Cats said...

HHGutt is one crazy cat!

Maxwell, Faraday and Allie said...

FaRADaY: Mowzers, CK. We think there are load of these infractions occurring around the blogosphere. Why did you know my EVIL TWIN SKIPPY just this morning bit mommy's cheekbone just under her eye?!?

Tragic, that.

Patty Woodland said...

CK, CK, CK - eye think you nose exactly who did it.

Andrea and the Celestial Kitties said...

Good heavens! You, I mean... some cat is seriously determined to get your mom up! Perhaps you should be guarding her from this foe?

Marilia said...

Have a delicious week!

Ann Staub said...

Well glad her eyeball's not punctured at least. Very noble of you to take the blame, even though you didn't do it! ;)

Katnip Lounge said...

You are Our Hero.

JessieJaney said...

we so laughed at TW wearing sunglasses to bed!

Janet Blue said...

TW needs to get some of those glasses with a fake nose attached. Purrs and hugs from the kitties at www.thecatonmyhead.com, Lily Olivia, Misty May, Mauricio, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

CATachresis said...

TW needs to get with it CK!!! However, I am in awe! Can I come for some lessons in eyeball mining? >^..^<

Derby, Ducky said...

Too much nip?

Katie Isabella said...

That notty HHGutt! He is a BAD BAD kitty. I KNOW that you would never ever try to eat TW's eyeba;; and there was HHGUTT with the eyeball as plain as can be. How is it that YOU always get blamed??? That's just so wrong, CK. So very wrong.

Katie Isabella said...

And I LOVE that picture of you with those eyes!!!!

Callie (a.k.a. Trouble) said...

You know I think that HHGutt has being here also. I mean it certainly wasn't me that scratched the sofa, spilled her water, bent the window blinds...etc. (and other things she has not discovered yet!)

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

CK, Every once in a while, you remind me that there *IS* a good reason I'm a little skeered of you.

Also, this does not sound very Popish to me.

Katie and Glogirly said...

Maybe you need to get TW a ski mask for her birthday.
; ) Katie
MOL!!!!!!!

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

Uh, CK? You *DO* know I can read, right? You *DO* know I visit Star like, every day, right?

Need I say more?

Mariodacatsmom said...

Now CK, it's up to you to guard the house at night from intruders. If that HHGutt guy comes around, you are supposed to chase him off like I do.

meowmeowmans said...

Dang, CK. That HHGutt is kind of rough, huh? Why are you always getting blamed for his shenanigans???

Texas, a Cat in New York said...

Wow! You, er I mean HHGutt sure knows what he wants!
Purrs

Clooney said...

That HHGutt is a tough character alright. I've been known to bite a few noses as well...

Mollie said...

Can't be too much Nip, you haven't got one of our Mats..MOL..Don't youz take the blame.. Make sure'z youz pop'z by tomorrow'z xx00xx

Mollie and Alfie

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

Yoo-hoo, Pope-Girl. Wanna come over? I have some really rockin' weird treats!

Unknown said...

ok so Spitty and you have a thingy goin' on I can read that much! And, HHGutt is some kind of peep eater, that's all I can think...TW had best keep you even closer at night to protect her....NOT!!bwwwhahahahaha

The Cat From Hell said...

HHGutt is definitely a cat from hell!
Kisses
Nellie