Sunday, January 1, 2012

All New 2012 New Year's Revolutions

Maybe Calvin is perfect, my peeps are not.
2012 is here! This year, instead of watching the ball drop in Times Square on TV, we did something different. We watched the festivities at Liberty Square on LiveStream. It was definitely more exciting because we never knew when the police were gonna start bashing heads. Liberty Square, for those who don't know, is NYC's Zuccotti Park, where the Occupy Wall Street encampment used to be. Their #OccupyNewYearsEve gave new meaning to New Year's revolutions.

With 2012 here, I've come up with some revolutions for the peeps. This year, they better follow them because they're testing this ghetto kitteh's patience big-time.

Peek a boo
Pop: NO MORE ACCIDENTS OF ANY KIND! NO BROKEN BONES! NO BROKEN HEADS! NO EMERGENCY ROOM VISITS! You will spend more time playing with the kitteh. I know you work all day but instead of spending the evening relaxing in front of some boring DVD, you can be relaxing AND HAVING FUN with CK. I'm getting up in age and won't be here forever so show me the love now. Remember to buy that pillow top mattress. It's very important that I sleep in comfort. I AM a celebrity.

AND NO MORE PICS OF MY PAWS!
TW: GET A JOB! Then in your spare time, keep my pictures up to date on the computer so I can use them in my blog. It's ridiculous that you've taken over 2000 photos of me—of which about 200 are in focus—and you've only made about 50 of them into lo-res images. My furrends are sick of looking at the same photos every day. As a bonus, you can learn to use the camera so more of my photos are in focus. No emergency room visits for you either. Keep my food cabinet overstocked and my litter box CLEAN.

You'll also go on that diet because I don't need you bouncing off the furniture. If you ever sat on top of me, I'd be a goner. I don't want to think about it. You should be able to see your feet so you'll know when you're about the kick me or step on my toys. You already broke the squeaky mouse that I got for Christmas because you don't look where you're stepping. WHAT? I don't care that I didn't like it! That's not the point here! The point is that you're ALWAYS stepping on my toys and it had better STOP. I'll spell it out: you stepped on it; you broke it; you replace it!

Don't scrimp on the catnip. I know you're hiding the good stuff I got for Christmas from Tiny Pearl Cat. Hand it over. Don't get so shrill when I bite/gouge/attack you. I have your best interests in mind. I demand that you let me sleep in MY bed with you until Pop gets the pillow top. I'll not be denied or you can forget about getting sleep 'cos I have a very loud voice.

In addition, you'll post to my blog no less than 4 times a week and they will be funny, endearing posts—not filler. You'll let me comment on more than 10 blogs a day so others will comment on my blog. Whatta you mean, where are you gonna find the time if you're working? Others find the time. I'll just pretend you never said that, woman. You'll let me enter contests so the world can embrace my stunningness. The new Stunning Keisha boutique on Zazzle will be an instant success. Just everyone will be wearing me on their clothing.
Madonna & Angelina Jolie in CK wear!
You both hereby resolve to play with me at least 2 hours a day and feed me 3 times a day the foods I like and don't scrimp on the table scraps. NOTHING is more important to you than ME. You'll use the FURminator every other day to keep me soft. Did I mention THE LITTER BOX IS TO BE KEPT CLEAN! I don't mean 3 hours after I use it; I mean IMMEDIATELY. It doesn't need time to GEL. It'll scoop just fine.

You should also absolve to throw out some of YOUR things for a change. It's always "which of CK's toys and possessions can we give away to charity?" when it should be "Let me get rid of some of my useless junk that I haven't looked at since I unpacked it 8 years ago so we can fit more of CK's belongings."

One last thing, when is that #*%*&#((@ tree leaving? Niles has overstayed his welcome! I need my new Cat Gym and Teeth Workout Center assembled so I can keep my trim, athletic body (the teeth) in shape.

12 comments:

  1. We like the way you stepped up and took ofur CK! I think alot of us kittehz could learn from this post! You're our hero. xoxo

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  2. CK, all of this sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Why does it take SO much effort to get humans to pay attention and attend to the smallest things?

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  3. CK, those are all just purrfect resolutions for your hoooomans. Let us know if you need help getting them established. We hope you have a big stick too to give the beans a whap every now and then.Too funny CK. Good to have a good laugh first thing in the morning. Take care.

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  4. I think you have put that list together quite nicely!!! Don't forget to give us status updates!

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  5. I think you are fully in charge CK, and your peeps should get the message loud and clear. If not, they get booted out and you claim the house! Now I need to get moving on my list.

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  6. Wow, CK, now I know why I adore you! Your tone is so....so....dominatrix-like. I loves me a GirlCat who knows what she wants and is not afraid to demand it! My Human is kind of scared now, though, because she thinks I might take a page from the CK playbook and make my own list. And you know, I just might!

    P.S. Last night, the Human took a washcloth, dipped her finger in The Good Stuff and then rubbed her finger on the washcloth (she did it twice). Then she gave me the washcloth. It was WONDERFUL, just the purrfect amount. I think she OD'd me a little the first time. But I enjoyed rubbing that cloth all over me. It was pawsome.

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  7. CK, you are the Cat's Meow! We're interested to see how it all works out...humans are notorious for ignoring our demands...

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  8. CK you are one tough cookie and you sure do run a TIGHT SHIP!!! MOL!!! I know that Cody is with you on the vast majority of these "revolutions"...will be interesting to hear how long your parents can adhere to these!

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  9. CK, WOW, that's the way to show those hoomanz whose boss! We will be back to see how things are going and if your resolutions are being followed!

    Cecil and Chloe

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  10. Those are some pretty good resolutions. Nothing like the silly boring ones that Mom typed in for me. Perhaps I need a new typist!

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  11. Wow CK, I thinks I need your services at our Headquarters...those Assembly Line Elves have been mighty slow at producing the Clooneymobile! And we still would like to see your paws in the future please...

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  12. Well, CK, your told her...mol peeese let us know if she is following your rules fur 2012.
    xoxo Kassey

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