Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 New Year's Revolutions Are Dust in the Wind

Borrowed from The Laughter Ward's FB page
As you may have guessed, I don't make New Year's revolutions for myself because, well, because I'm purrfect and you don't want to mess with purrfection. Last year, I made revolutions for the peeps, axing for wholesale changes. Let's see how they did, shall we?

My Pop has always been very klutzy and was banging his noggin and getting concussions at an alarming rate, so I thought that he should absolve to reduce the number of head trauma incurred in 2011. I'm happy to report after an extremely bad concussion in May, he promised his doctor he'd be more careful. Two days later, he fell and broke his elbow. On one hand, he didn't get any more concussions; on the other hand, the broken elbow was even worse so I'd have to say, he didn't keep that revolution.

I also thought that Pop should invest in a pillow-top mattress. Although he didn't get one in 2011, he promises that he'll get one in 2012. I'm gonna hold him to that. I hope he remembers the part about stuffing it with green papers although he'll probably say the well is dry after making the mattress purchase.

Another year has come and gone and TW is still a train wreck. She took my advice to stay home but forgot the part about getting paid to stay home by a real employer. Her bank account is on E, with no prospects in sight. I've tried to ease her load by winning lots of kibble so she'll only have to provide stinky goodness so Cod only knows how much longer she can provide for this little kitteh. I REFUSE TO EAT STORE BRAND! I'M A CELEBRITY!

Have toys, will play. Won't somebody play with me??
She keeps getting wider and wider as she shovels mountains of food into her big mouth. I suggested she give me half her chicken every night. Not only hasn't she done this but she CUT DOWN on my table scraps. I have to beg by Pop to get a crumb. The bending she gets from playing with me hasn't shrunk her waistline and she's still bouncing off the furniture because SHE DOESN'T PLAY WITH ME NEARLY ENOUGH! Pant, gasp! Lemme catch my breathe. This is so aggravating.

Oh, the litter box revolution—fahettaboudit, sez she. Not only doesn't she clean it right after I use it, but sometimes she only cleans it ONCE A DAY! This is UNACCEPTABLE! I haven't told Pop about this and he may flip his cork upon reading this. What's so funny, Woman? Are you typing this just as I'm dictating it? If I find one little error or omission, I'm gonna [censored]

TW meet my teeth.
The revolution about them not going out to any ballgames will become a reality in 2012. The peeps are not renewing their season tickets due to TW's laziness and lack of funds. They will instead stay home and play with the cat for free. I may need some additional toys for this and my new cat tree may play a role in this. I'm thinking of calling it CK's Cat Gym and Teeth Workout Center. You can guess who my teeth will get a workout on. HAH!

The last revolution I made was for the peeps to start cooking roast of beef and steak. This didn't happen. They made baked chicken, rotisserie chicken, chicken cacciatore, chicken chicken chicken. It's not that I don't like chicken‚ I do—but how about a little variety. Would the occasional steak kill them? A little red meat would be good for TW's cholesterol. It certainly would do wonders for my thirst for red blood. I might not even go for her's so much.

In my next post, I'll list some of my New Year's Revolutions for the peeps to follow in 2012. If they don't follow them, they'll have another crappy year like 2011.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
Hope your humans do a better job keeping their revolutions.

16 comments:

  1. That was some good revolutions you made up for your beans for this year , sorry that they couldn´t keep them :(
    Wish you good luck with nest years revolutions !!
    HAPPY NEW 2012 Keisha and your family !!

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  2. My big resolutions is to quit making resolutions!!! From all of us to the Stunning One...Happy, Happy, Happy New Year!!!

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  3. LOL! Loved this post.

    Happy New Year, CK and peeps!

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  4. I has been working on my New Year's rezolutions for my peeps too, although I'm not to sure they'll keep them.. They'd better or I'm shopping for new peeps.

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  5. HAPPY NEW YEAR CK! I hope you and yours have a great 2012. I agree there's no need for us to make revolutions. I mean, we're cats, do we really want to change anything about ourselves? Once again, a very entertaining blog post. I have enjoyed reading it so much so please don't stop OK? Love and good health to you and your family.

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  6. This is an excellent post and it has given me a wonderful idea! I nefur thought to make revolutions fo rthe Human! But that is EXACTLY what I plan to do--tomorrow, though, since she is "too busy" now to help me type anymore. ALIENS are coming over to consume alcohol and eat fancy foodz (why not just open a can for them and shake a few kibbles into a bowl? I mean, that's all *I* ever get!!) See you tomorrow, my sweet! (Oh yeah, and the Human and her lame friends usually watch the NYC ball drop at 9 p.m. our time because mostly they nefur make it to midnight cause they're all so old and pathetic!)

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  7. Oh Thank Cod for you Cathy Keisha bringing us some levity in stressful situations. You rock girl! We wish you and your Peeps a 2012 filled with many blessings. Happy New Year!

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  8. My human did not do too well with the New Year's resolutions I made for her, either. Slackers, all of them!

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  9. Happy New Year CK and your humans! We think it's better not to make resolutions at all. It just makes us (humans) feel so bad when we break them . . . We hope it's a better year for you and us with more ______ for effurryone. (Just fill in the blank, stupid humans - kitties know what they want more of.)

    Laura and Taffy

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  10. Oh my COD, CK. that was so funny. You had our Mom laughing out loud. We can't wait for chapter two.So get busy CK and get the hoooomans trained for more good food. We agree a steak would be good every now and then. We sure do wish you a very very Happy and Healthy New Year.

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  11. Happy New Year you guys!!!! woo woo woo!

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  12. Maybe you could give your humans one more chance! It sounds like they are trying! Happy New Year!!

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  13. Oh CK, it was awful last night! It has really upped the ante on the revolutions I am planning for the Human.

    Happy New Year from your Main Squeeze ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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  14. What is it about peep that make them such miserable revolution keepers? Your list was EASY.

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  15. CK...you and Spitty come on over..I have room for two!

    Mom

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  16. Your demands seem quite reasonable to me, MOL. I sure hope they can keep them or you may have to stage a protest. Happy Mew Year!

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