Monday, May 8, 2017

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds
Photo ©Pop

Dateline: last Wednesday. The cat ponders. "Hmmm, it's Wednesday and Pop isn't getting ready for work. I hope he isn't sick or hasn't gotten downsized. Maybe he's just taking some me-time otherwise known as PTO, unless 45 has signed an executive order doing away with paid time off. I'll just keep aware of my surroundings until I find out what's happening."

What is happening? Will it affect The Cat? Would there be a blog post if it didn't?

TW got up early for her but things seemed normal while they ate breakfast. Then I saw it: my old PTU came out of hiding. Yesterday there was a new soft-sided PTU that made an appearance. The peeps talked among themselves. "Blah blah blah-de-blah." Whatever. Then something unusual happened—I heard TW shutting her bedroom door! Suddenly I had an inkling of impending doom and squeaked through before it could be shut.

While in my office UTB, I didn't hear the peeps squabbling. They made no effort to flush me out. Maybe I was mistaken. TW was at the computer working and Pop was reading something on his i-pawd. I got brave and jumped up on Pop's bed. There were no grabby hands. I started to drift off while TW typed.

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds

The next thing I know Pop picked me up and started talking softly to me. I heard the sound of TW banging something around as she headed for the bedroom. I struggled mightily but Pop held onto me. I was shoved very roughly into the PTU; a cab was called.

Before long I, Cathy Keisha, was staring into the face of Dr. D. at the Secaucus Animal Hospital, an AAHA-credited institution as the sign on the door read. I don't know what I did to deserve this fate. I hadn't had a bad asthma attack in a couple of weeks. There's nothing wrong with me but here I am. The three humans talked; "blah blah"—Wait! I better listen this time. Oh, it's that dirty ear thing! I should have known.

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds
Photo ©Pop

Dr. D. stuck a light into my ear and said the ear canal wasn't inflamed so it was probably wax. Then she dug a q-tip in both ears like she was digging for gold to get "space-e-men." I wasn't seeing Neil Armstrong but I remained calm. After all, TW promised me Chinese food for dinner if I was good. I let her wipe the muck outta the dirty ear without a fight. She checked my lungs and I was so good I could practically taste the pork-fried rice. Then the worm turned.

The good Dr. D. said she thought she took bloods last year so we'd skip this year. TW jumped up to disagree. She wanted my blood like I usually want her's. One look at my records showed it was time. Dr. D. called a couple of evil henchwomen into the room while TW slipped out the back way. That's when I freaked bigly.

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds
Photo ©Pop

I saw Dr. D. coming at me with the biggest needle I'd seen in my life. I told Dr. D. I'd make a deal. I'd let her get a vial of my blood if I could get a pint of her's. She declined so I hid my veins. I hid the veins in both legs. She poked with her fingers and I struggled.

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds
Photo ©Pop

There was three against one but I fought. Boy, did I fight! I used all the martial arts I learned on the PAW, back in the hood. I fought with all the strength in my 10.6-lb body. They were only doing this over my dead body! I growled. I hissed. I screamed. I spit. I scratched and bit but that stupid welding glove the tech wore wasn't giving. I grabbed my claw on it and tried to pull it off. Then I pulled out my secret weapon!

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds
Photo ©Pop

I began to pant and cough! Yes, I played the Asthma Card. My mouth hung open and my tongue hung out as I gasped for breath. It worked; they stopped. Pop and Dr. D. tried to calm me. As soon as I stopped, they grabbed me again. I was tired but I was ready for another round.

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds
Photo ©Pop

What seemed like hours later, Dr. D. decided I was stressed enough and stopped the madness. Boy, was I mad! I'd never been so mad in all my 12 years! I glowered at them. I heard Dr. D. joke about it being a good thing cats didn't really have laser eyes. Then guess what happened?

Three Against One? The Cat Triumphs Against All Odds

Miss Sunshine, TW, waltzed back into the room with, of all things, a cup of coffee. Yes, she was out getting a coffee break while I was locked in the battle of my life. She looked at us all and brilliantly said "you didn't get the blood?"

Not only didn't they get blood but I got out of the nail trim AND the anal probe. I was too stressed.

Oh, and can you believe the last straw was when TW and Dr. D. started talking about Myrtle Beach since Dr. D. is originally from SC? Nice. I'll be home trying to get over my trauma while TW is visiting Broadway on the Beach. Very nice.

When I got home, there was another indignity awaiting me which is for another post. But I can tell you now: there. was. no. Chinese. food.


Brian said...

You sure put up the fight CK and for some strange reason I knew you would win!

The Island Cats said...

I heard I have an appt with the evil vet this Wednesday, CK. I'm gonna take a page outta your playbook and make sure they can't do anything to me. ~Zoey

Mariodacat said...

Oh boy! This could be bad or it could be good! I think I know what's happening, but I reserve to keep the info to mhyself for now. i did hear about some rumblings on Twitter tho.

The Menagerie Mom said...

Did the doc and her henchwomen really think they'd best you, CK? They sure learned their lesson!

Mr Puddy said...

your VET has been prepared ! look at her gloves ! professional !
Paw crossed for the next post

Colehaus Cats said...

Oh sweetie! How awful, how horribly awful that must have been! Our sister Tessa sends four paws up for your battle and later, we heard her scribbling notes.

Summer at said...

Wow, you really can't stand the vet, CK! That was rough on everybody. :-(

Random Felines said...

rude rude rude - a sneak attack...needles...and no reward

Cat Chat With Caren and Cody (Caren Gittleman) said...

I see that you have the same "evil henchmen" that Cody has (and wrote about a couple of years ago lol).............but...I have to say, Cody is super good at the Vet. So happy you are going to BlogPaws, have a blast! catchatwithcarenandcody

catladymac said...

Oh Wow, CK ! I worry about my kitties and would be more worried if they couldn't get the tests they needed, so I am usually there holding on too - so if anyone gets bitten, it should be me.(And Alexander the Gray can testify it was, the last time HE went to the vet !) I hope you get a calming nap in, and someone slips out for an order of Chinese to appease you.

da tabbies o trout towne said...

ck.....leeve it two uz....

this unjustice will NEVER happen again two one oh R
"familee" knot next month, knot next yeer, knot next centuree.....


we hope ewe haz suffered noe further con see quenzes.....

N yur chillax rite now ~~~~~~~ ♥♥♥

edie said...

That tech has some nice gloves. 😅 I can't believe TW didn't get you some Chinese food. Isn't that abuse piled on top of abuse?

Melissa, Mudpie and Angel Truffles (Mochas, Mysteries and Meows) said...

You poor thing. I can't believe TW left you. My Mommy would never leave me alone at the V-E-T even though I kinda like him. Hey, CK...Mommy wants to know if you'd show the President a little respect if he signed an Executive Order outlawing kitties going to stabby places? Signed, an angel at the vet, Mudpie

pilch92 said...

No Chinese food after all that? That is so unfair. I am sorry you are treated so badly, you are such a sweet kitty, you deserve to be treated with respect.

GLOGIRLY said...

Ok, CK... I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. I mean, REALLY feel you pain.

Unknown said...

OMC!! BFGF your V.E.T. trips must be so traumatizing for you. Surely you are rewarded for even showing up??

brokenteepee said...

NO CHINESE FOOD?! You was robbed

Tamago said...

My goodness, that was an awfully stressful visit! Those welding gloves are something. (I might suggest them to our vet...!) You fought really bravely, CK!

RiverfrontCats said...

Really not Chinese food? that's definitely deal breaker. I'm sorry you had a stressful vet visit. Hope you don't have to go again soon.

Three Chatty Cats said...

Oh my, CK. The horrors! Looks like you fought the good fight though and prevailed. This time anyway. I hope TW has safe travels to BlogPaws. Sorry I'm going to miss meeting her.

Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat said...

Our money's on you, CK. But no Chinese food? That's just COLD. Leaving you to get a cup of coffee? COLD. We're glad you survived and lived to tell about it!

Shoko Neilson said...

After al that Chinese food? This is a bummer...scream bloody murder!! That's the leastthey could do.