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Bless Bess, What A Mess!

Our kitchen floor is the cleanest kitchen floor on the planet. The Woman doesn't use any poisons on it; she uses either dish soap and water, Method all-surface cleaner or the steamer I gave her for her birthday. We have the cleanest kitchen floor. Have I mentioned that? It's so clean, you could eat off it; and it should be because I do eat off it. Well, I have a dish and placemat but do prefer putting the food on the floor. I won't tell you about the inside of the fridge since TW's been Tweeting for me but you probably know and I don't have to eat off it. As long as it doesn't inconvenience the cat …

On Thanksgiving, we had the turkey incidents. First, Pop sprayed the raw turkey juice all over the place and out came the steamer to sanitize it. Then, after the turkey was cut, the discovery was made that someone cut through the pan and, again, the counter and floor were full of juice. The steamer again came to the rescue. It cleans and sanitizes. Everyone should have one. The Peeps haven't eaten red meat since 1980 and TW says this year we may stop eating white meat too.

For New Year's Day and Easter, they make Virginia Ham. Again, it's the only time we eat ham. I really, really like it although the gravy is really, really sticky. They give me my own plate! We were going to have the leftovers today. Sounds like a plan, right?

Yesterday Pop went to the Pathmark and while TW was putting away the goods, she moved the ham gravy to make room. Oopsy, wrong move as it wound up on the floor. All over the floor to be precise. I would've gotten a good laugh except it was my feeding time and I certainly couldn't go step in all that sticky mess. Also, my package from SidtheCatahoula had come and I couldn't wait to open it up.

Sticky gravy and chunks of pineapple were splattered as far as the eye could see. It was under the refrigerator and oozing onto the nice wood floor in the foyer. TW let out a shriek like I didn't know she was capable of and rolls of paper and cloth towels were pressed into service. Then, TW got a Pathmark bag to put the sopping wet paper towels in and pour the little remaining gravy in and, guess what? when she picked up the bag, it had a big hole and that gravy dripped back on the floor only in yet a different spot. TW spent the next 20 minutes or so down on her knees scrubbing that floor again. Her nice slippers were totalled too. (Can you tell, I'm stifling a laugh?) But the cat was thinking food.

Finally, by the grace of Cod, I made my way over the pass-along or whatever they call it and Pop gave me my skipjack tuna. Tonight I ate my food off the cleanest kitchen floor on the planet. News Flash: the cat did not get blamed for the mess. As for the peeps, Ma made another mess of gravy with orange juice, pineapple, pineapple juice, brown sugar, ground and whole cloves.

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  1. has anyone ever told you that you truly are the world's most stunning cat?


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