Tuesday, July 12, 2011

July 13th—A National Holiday?

It is in my house and it may be nation-wide. MLB has chosen not to play baseball games on this day. TW doesn't even go to work today! Oh yeah, the slacker hasn't done that in years. On this day over 5 centuries ago, Gramma gave birth to TW. What's that? Speak up Woman, I'm busy here. Oops, I'm being told that the blessed event took place over 5 DECADES ago. As if! I still think it's CENTURIES.

Touching moment w/ TW
Much as I'd like to, I'm not here to bury The Woman, I'm here to *cough cough yack yack* pra —um, I can do this—praaaais—No. ha ha. I can do this *wipes tears of laughter from face*—praise TW.—There I said it! Aha ha ha! No, I really mean it. heh heh OMC! Let me catch my breath after that. Whew!

Working my teeth on TW.
LOVE that finger food.
I bite her; I scratch her; I bite her again; but at the end of the day, she still stocks my food cabinet and feeds me 3 meals a day, cleans my litter box, and provides my exercise. Lucky for me, she does the food thing a lot better than the other two. Sometimes she even gives me the food I like. She cleans the bed linens I've grown accustomed to sleeping on and washes the Wedgwood dishes I demand my meals be served in. She doesn't try to dress me in stupid clothes or put collar things around my neck—although it would make my day if she tried. *sharpens claws and licks lips*

She wouldn't give me up, even though she's highly allergic and claims I make her asthma worse. Of course, she knows that if Pop had to choose, he'd choose me over her because I don't waste his hard-earned money by leaving lights on in rooms I left hours ago and opening the window even though the a/c is running full-blast and I'm not always crying that I have a migraine. Hold on, TW is complaining againWhat do you mean, Woman? Of course this IS praise! I wield a lot of power around here. I can get her thrown out just by snapping my paws because I have Pop all wrapped around them.

My #Nipclub pirate costume
Of course, then I couldn't take advantage of all the time she has on her hands to devote to my social media needs. She doesn't have a Twitter account or blog so I can have them and spends more time assisting with my Facebook page then she spends on her own. Of course, I do have five times as many furrends as she does so that's only proper. I'm not allowed to visit ALL my furrend's blogs every day, but she lets me visit quite a few and say hello. She also pimps my pictures so I look good for most pawties and Nipclub events and devotes time to assisting with my DJ shifts and setlists. She says she's given up a lot for me and I say she hasn't given up enough. Suck it up, Woman. I'm the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it. Without me, you'd REALLY have no life.

Yes, TW does a lot for this stunning cat and I do more than I should in return. I don't scratch up the furniture and rugs and I permit her to sleep with me. My teeth wouldn't be half as sharp if I didn't have her to exercise them on. So it's with these sentiments, I say

SURPRISE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WOMAN!
Hmmmm, now I don't have to get her a real gift, do I?

17 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday to TW!!! Nope, she doesn't need a gift, she has you, want more could anyone need?!?!

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  2. Happy Birthday TW!! Maybe you could give her a little break for the occasion?? :)

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  3. I'm laughing so hard my eyes are leaking. You really do have a way with words. Maybe for TW's birthday you could be nice to her for a couple of days and not bite her. I know that's asking a lot, but think about it.

    Anyway, Happy Birthday TW!

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  4. Happy Birthday, TW - I'm sure Cathy loves you really!! (At least, I THINK I am...) :D

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  5. Happy birthday to your human! My human's birthday is in a little over a week... and I'm gonna put her to work! Yours is lucky you are not such a stern taskmaster, CK!

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  6. Happy Birthday TW. You'd better soak up all those nice words while you can cuz CK doesn't get in a kind mood most times. Maybe you should even hang a ocpy on the fridge to remember the next time she puts the bitey on you. I predict she'll get even by tomorrow.

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  7. Ha ha ha! This is EGGSCELLENT. CK, you are TRULY a kitteh after my own heart! Are you SURE you're really "involved" with someone else because I swear you are my soulmate! But we can at least be furriends, right? And you'll help ME write a birthday essay for MY Human (who is really *IS* five centuries!)

    Oh, and Happy Birfday to your Human.

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  8. Happy Birthday Dear TW! And many more...I'z got my jazz paws goin' for ya big time! Hope your day was fab and that CK didn't give you too hard of a bitey! (Personally, I thinks CK really loves you, uh she just plays a little bit hard to get.) But I am dismayed to find out that now I has to compete with Spitty as well...But I digress, I want to come to the nipclub on my Birthday, but my Human doesn't know how to do that, let's just say she's a bit social medially challenged. (Is it possible to give her simple instructions at: clooneycreditcanada AT gmail DOT com?)

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  9. OMC !!! This is a wicked feeling after I read your post..Laugh and Cry ! So Funny and Overwhelming in the same time ! I'm the same as you love to bite my mom and she still spoil me I guess it calls " LOVE "

    Happy Birthday to TW ! I hope she have a wonderful time and lots of lots of spare adhesive-bandage. ( You don't give up bite da finger, don't you ? )

    xoxo

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  10. CK, you are the best present anyone could hope for! Hope TW has a super birfday and you, sorry, I mean SHE, gets all the treats she wants!

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  11. Is that what's called damning someone with faint praise? CK, you know you love TW. Wish her a Happy Birthday from me, Baby Girl :-).

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  12. Happy Birthday TW! Cathy is beyond a doubt the best present you'll ever get so don't bother looking in the bottom of that bag to see what else is in there! Hope you have a pawsome day & Cathy gives you the day off from nomming on you!

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  13. Well a huge Happy Birthday to you TW. We sure hope that you are having a great day and that Cathy will be a little nice to you. Besides no one can live happily without a cat to direct them around. We hope you have a good day and many more of them. Take care. Love this post.

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  14. Wishing TW a wonderful Birthday! Good thing she has you to keep her in line!

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  15. Thanks for letting me know we could be BFFs. That's such a relief!

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  16. Happy purrsday TW !
    What a purrfect surprise parcel you made with your self there :)

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  17. TW is sure to be happy with your present because our humans love it when we are cuddly with them. I wanted to purr a hello to you.

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