Guest Blog: A Visit From Bones

Guest blogger Robert Tonchuk.

Guest blogging is kinda new to this ghetto kitteh but when I came across this story on Pop's Facebook timeline—Yeah, I DO monitor the peeps FB pages—I knew you'd find it as fascinating as I did. Robert is a transplanted New Yorker, who now lives in Kansas City, where famous Cat Daddy Jackson Galaxy will be appearing this week. Real men do love cats!

Bones was a ghetto kitteh who had the first feline Facebook profile I ever saw. He was a legend and like most legends Bones passed before his time going OTRB in 2009. I never met Bones but I feel like I'm his homey. Robert kindly agreed to let me share this incredible but true tale with you. Without further doo-doo, let me turn the stage over to guest blogger Mr. Robert Tonchuk.

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Bones Tomchuk (from his FB page)

So like, did Bones Visit Me in KC???

A few weeks ago I was cleaning the townhouse and I moved Bones' ashes from the corner of the fireplace mantle to the center. Touching it made me start thinking of my little buddy … my best little buddy that was with me for almost 13 years. He died about 4 years ago … still miss him madly. Pet's are special friends.

Anyway, I smiled, shed a few tears, and told him I still miss his ghetto fab attitude.

Later on in the day I went to feed BB. In the kitchen is a pic of Bones that I have on the window ledge. This pic used to be on the floor in NY near Bones' food dish. Yes, I would keep of pic of him near his food dish. After Bones passed, that pic remained there for when Bear (and for a short time Zeus) ate. They were walking the floors once walked on by the legend, so they NEEDED to know who he was.

But out here in KC, I never put that pic near BB's food. Well, on this day I did and when BB saw the pic, he got all freaked and wild on me. Very unlike himself. Hunched, fat tail, puffy hair, ears back … staring at the pic in confusion. I was like, dude, it's a freaking picture, why all the drama? He would NOT go near the food nor would he go anywhere near the pic. I was like, whatever, so I moved the pic back to the window ledge and then BB was fine and ate his dinner.

Bones was a computer genius.

Later on that night, it was time for bed. Every night it is the same thing—I call out that it's bedtime and little BB runs up the stairs with me and jumps on the bed while I get ready for bed. His behavior is almost dog-like. Well, on this night he runs up the stairs with me like normal but stops dead at the doorway. He will NOT come into the bedroom; he is all hunched again; his tail and hair puffy again, neck stretched like a giraffe. He was behaving EXACTLY the same way he had about 8 hours earlier when he looked at the pic of Bones near his food bowl.

I am now laying in bed and BB still refuses to come into the room. He is freaking outside in the hallway … moving slowly, obviously upset by something and poking his head in and out the room without coming in.

So I attempt to a take a few pics of his bobbing head for fun and low and behold, I look at the first pic and there is a orb in the doorway near the floor. I was like, WTF is that?? I had read and heard about what orbs are, what they could mean, but it is hard to really believe in spirits and things like that. So I take another pic within seconds of the first and the orb is there again, this time moving out of the room from where it was in the first pic.

I'm like, WTF again. I cannot see it with my eyes, only when the pic is taken is it visible. I take a third pic seconds after the second and the orb is gone. Then a fourth pic seconds after the third … gone. Immediately BB recomposes himself and comes into the room as if nothing is wrong now. He looks around … up, down, left, right, and then jumps on the bed as he usually does and falls into his usual curled up position and falls right to sleep.

Check out pics 1 and 2 … interesting.

First bedroom pic with the orb.

Second pic with orb taken seconds after first.

The third pic with orb gone taken seconds later.

My friends say my bestie Bones came to visit—to say hello to BB and let me know he is fine. I want to say no way, I'm an adult, I'm rational, this can't be. It can't. Truth is, I have never taken pics and had orbs appear before. I have not seen orbs since in any of my pics. Maybe there is no answer, maybe there is … but it is what it is. And whatever it is, it made me remember my best little buddy—my ghetto fab Brooklyn born legend named Bones—the most famous cat in financial publishing.

A Cinco de Mayo message from HHGutt

Hello. Me llamo HHGutt and I was heched en México. Today I'm going to teach you the true meaning of Cinco de Mayo. Sure Mexicans enjoy our cerveza but this day means so much más.

The holiday of Cinco De Mayo, The 5th of May, commemorates the victory of the Mexican militia over the French army at The Battle Of Puebla in 1862. It is primarily a regional holiday celebrated in the Mexican state capital city of Puebla and throughout the state of Puebla, with some limited recognition in other parts of Mexico, and especially in U.S. cities with a significant Mexican population. It is not, as many people think, Mexico's Independence Day, which is actually September 16. (Read more at Mexonline.com)

Let me go into de—SSSAACCRRRRRAAAATTTTCHH! (sound of needle scraping across record totally damaging record).

CK has regained control of this blog. Yes, I am back! Thank you, HHGutt—NOT! My Mexican jokes were such a hit last year, I've decided to don my comedienne hat again for some mostly new jokes. Without further doo-doo I'm off!

Why were there only 600 Mexicans at the Alamo? 
They only had two cars.

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
Cuatro, sink-o.

What's a Mexicans favorite bookstore?
Borders

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.

How do you starve a Mexican?
Put their Food Stamps in their work boots.

and finally my favorite from last year:

Two Mexican are in a car. Who is driving?
A cop.

I'd like to give credit to my joke writers: Best Free Jokes and Jokes4Us.com so head over there for some more yuks.

This post is part of the

If you're still looking for some additional Cinco de Mayo fun, join me at Kittehboi's #Chilipawty, in honor of his sisfur Chilpepper's 16th birthday. I'll be spinning tunes at 3 pm.

Cheap Knockoffs Can't Fool CKI

One of the only smousy toys I actually play with is my Skinneeez smousy that I ordered from Nip And Bones. When I'm in the mood—and I think that no one's around to see me—I fling it up in the air and toss it around. I play like a cat and, believe me, I played with Skinneeez late last night and again this morning.

Look! I deded both of them! The one closest to my heart is the original.

Many months ago, I had lost my Skinneeez so TW bought a replacement until they got off their lazy butts and found the original. I never played with the replacement like I did the original. Yes, Woman, I can tell the difference!

Find the real Skinneeez. Show TW you're smarter than her.

She must think I'm really stupid cos she bought a cheap knockoff in Walgreens the other day. C'mon, Woman, the real deal is only $4. Any cat with half a brain can see the difference. She might as well have gotten the grey one. That's how obvious it is. TW made the photo as crappy as she could so you couldn't see the difference. She thinks they're identical enough that I wouldn't notice. HAH! The Walgreen's smousy is fuzzier, lighter in color and the tail is fatter. TW thinks I can't tell the players without a scorecard. Guess again, TW.

Wednesday Word of the Day—Wet

You better not start until I get outta the tub, Woman!

The original title of this post was Water Sports. Hey you—Cody—get your mind outta the gutter! I know TW used to work for a certain men's magazine in another life but this is a family blog.

As you kittehs know, I don't drink water. Blech! I do, however, like to play with water. Here's a game TW and I have been playing since I first came into the condo.

Sorry for the dark, grainy photo

After TW brushes her teeth, she spits out the water. Yeah, it's gross but—you're not gonna believe this—I useta sit on the edge of the sink and try to catch the water in my mouth as she spit it out. She didn't want me swallowing any minty stuff so we agreed to amend the rules. Now she takes a clean cup of water and flips it slowly into the tub, where I'm perched on the rim.

I have two ways of catching it. Either I try to hit the water into my mouth with my paws or I attempt to bite the water. Sometimes I get some and sometimes I don't. TW can't understand how I'll do this but won't drink out of the fountain.

Of course, other times, I'll just hit the water with my paws. TW is scared enough of me that she won't try anything funny like throwing the glass of water on top of me.

Right now, there's no evidence video available of these water sports. TW is hoping she can coerce Pop into filming us. For now, these dark, grainy photos from years ago will have to do. I mean, one photo is from Pop's tub, for gosh sakes.

Woman, get in here! I'm ready to play!

The other night, I leaned over and managed to catch a snoot full of water. TW thought it was the funniest thing since she engineered the birch beer caper. Oh wait, she didn't find that funny—I did. You're laughing now Woman, but you won't be later after my teeth are sunk in you.

Nurse Update & May Calendar

As you probably guessed, because TW is such a wuss when she's sick, Senile Saturday was cancelled. She should have had it done weeks in advance since she only has to do one a month. The coughing is noticeably less; nose-blowing has also decreased as has the stomach issues. They're having other issues though. Doesn't this plague every go away?

As promised, your stunning May 2013 calendar. Click the photo to biggify or print out. We're thinking of using this photo to make some Stunning Keisha swag. TW may be wearing a similarly-designed tee at Blogpaws, if she makes it through this plague intact. I'd appreciate your meowing yay or nay if you'd consider purchasing a product with this design or if you think others would.