Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Order in the Court!

All rise as the Honorable Cathy Keisha comes into the courtroom. She will be defending herself in the case of The Woman vs. Cathy Keisha. The defendant—who's NOT guilty, I might add—is being excused of malicious violence against the Plaintiff on the night of August 20, 2011. We now take you inside the courtroom where CK, defending herself, is grilling TW.

CK: What time did you roll into bed the night of August 20?

TW: It was before midnight—between 11:15 and 11:30.

CK: So you don't know for sure? Had you been drinking?

TW: Iced tea and water. You know I hardly ever drink alcohol.

CK: I know nothing of the sort! Uh-huh. If you couldn't remember what time you got into bed, how can we believe you remember what happened after that? … OK, please tell us what, in your opinion, happened after you laid down.

TW: I was adjusting the covers—that I have to use summer and winter to keep a certain cat from

CK: Objection! Just the facts, ma'am. Continue without the editorializing.

TW: I was pulling the cover up when the Defendant leaped on top of my arm. She grabbed it so hard, I cried out 4 times. I couldn't shake her off.

CK: Were the lights out when you "claim" this attack took place?

TW: Listen, I know who was in bed with me because I don't turn out the lights until you're in bed and have your eyes closed. You, er, the Defendant has a history of this sort of feral behavior.

CK: The court is advised to strike this last sentence out of the records. I'm not being tried for prior incidents, which may or may not have happened. Go on, TW.
CK at the time of the alleged attack. You can see I'm sleeping like an angel.
TW: On this night, you jumped into bed looking for trouble. You usually turn around and lay with your rear end toward me. On this night, you stared me down. I thought I was safe when you put your head down, but you tricked me.

CK: *snickers* Uh huh! Let the court be aware that the Plaintiff has it in for the Defendant. She never liked me and if it wasn't for my Pop, I'd be back in the shelter!

TW: Objection!

CK: What you objecting to, Woman? You have something against the TRUTH? Overruled! Were you aware that a gray tuxedo cat, who has a history of felonies from here to Mexico, named Herñia Hernandez Gutierrez, alias HHGut, was also in the bed?

TW: Herñia was at the foot of the bed. He's a stuffed animal. They don't just get up and jump by themselves and even if he did, he doesn't have teeth.

CK: Keep telling yourself that, Woman, and I'll find you in contempt.

TW: Cathy, I have the bite marks …

CK: SILENCE! I've heard enough out of you! I find the Defendant NOT GUILTY on grounds of her innocence. Case closed! Court adjourned.

So there you have it. I was found NOT GUILTY by a jury of my peers. I hope this is the last time I have to go through such anguish. I'm thinking of counter-suing on the grounds that she slandered me and sullied my good name—not to mention that I was banished from the bed again for 2 whole night!
CK during her wrongful incarceration.
NOTE: TW is abandoning me and going to Blogpaws, sans computer or smart phone, so I regret that we won't be able to visit our friends blogs until Monday.

18 comments:

  1. CK, if TW has bite marks and you didn't bite her then who did? I still say you should be nice to the hand that feeds you! Yep, I still eat from mom's hand, unless we're getting the Luna Tuna, then I gobble it down straight from my dish! luv you as always!

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  2. We sure hope you didn't bite TW that hard but we know you didn't. We sure cant' wait to hear all about Blog paws. That should be fun. Have a great evening.

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  3. So that's where that "take a bite outta crime" saying came from! Hey, I'm glad you were declared Not Guilty!!!

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  4. LOL!! This is the funniest court drama I've ever seen! Of course you are innocent...it was Herñia the stuffed animal. These stuffed animals can be very violent!
    I hope TW will have a lot of fun at Blogpaws :-)

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  5. I know TW will have a wonderful time! I sure do wish I were going too. xxooxx Your trial papers were um...faskinatin'!

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  6. OF COURSE, you are innocent! The CRIME is that TW falsely imprisoned you on some trumped-up bitey charge! She probably BIT HERSELF, CK.

    What's with this "abandonment" cr@p? Blogpaws? As if!

    But say, where is this "Pop" of whom you speak? Does he not have thumbs?

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  7. I counter-suing is a good idea!

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  8. I love good legal arguments and you certainly put up a good case, CK.

    NOT GUILTY!

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  9. LOLOLOLOL!!!
    CK...you have obviously missed your calling. You could have been a high-buck, cut-throat trial lawyer. Or you could have at least played one on TV. Way to let her have it! Take that TW!!!
    Innocent? There was never a doubt.
    xo
    Katie

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  10. I thinks that HHGutt was up to his no good stuff again...I thinks I'll fashion up a pair of "cement shoes" for the guy and we'll takes him for a little walk along the river...We hope TW has an excellent time at BlogPaws!

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  11. lol. My Father tosses me out of the room for using his bare leg as a post to climb into their bed. Maybe I should ask Mumma to give me a fair trial too :)

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  12. CK, you're so funny. Biting the hand that feeds you is not smart.

    I'm so jealous that TW is going to Blogpaws. I wish I was. I hope she has a wonderful time.

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  13. MOL..Love this post !!!! so funny !!! and Thanks COD you was found NOT GUILTY because if you are still in the jail, I got no choice to keep laffing..Ha..ha
    xoxo

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  14. Ye Gads CK! You did it again. We're laughing our fool heads off here at poor TW's expense (as usual). You are "something else" little wild kitteh! It's a good thing TW still loves you or you'd be out on the street again walking around "The Hood." (I don't want to see dat happen, so please treat TW with at least a small bit of respect!) Hope she has a great time at Blog Paws. I think you'll be in trouble CK cuz TW is taking the evidence in this case with her!!

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  15. *MOL*
    Very funny post and glad it was a happy ending with the verdict = NOT GUILTY !!!

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  16. CK, of course you are innocent! It helps when you are judge and jury, though.

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  17. CK always maintain innocence. Purring that TW was okay at blogopaws as mean (Hurricane) Irene made a lot of fuss in Virgina.

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  18. CK!!!!! Can't WAIT to hear about Blog Paws. Get TW in gear : )

    ...Glogirly would LOVE to have gone. Me, I'm pretty happy to hang out by myself in the townhouse. I'm not very social...due to the hissing and all.

    xo
    Katie

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