Cathy Keisha goes Hollywood

The woman has ruined my opportunity for stardom. She's crushed my dreams! I know I'm already a virtual star on Twitter, an award-winning blogger and a highly sought after virtual dj, but she's ruined my chance for real fame. As they say, "I coulda been someone."

This morning, as she made her way down the street from her shopping trip, she saw flashing lights and lots of people standing around. Concerned that something bad had happened, she asked Rick, the concierge of our building who was standing outside watching, what was going on. He told her they were filming Mercy, a tv show on NBC about doctors and nurses.

Naturally, when she told me, I couldn't WAIT to get outside and be part of the action. I'm so stunning, I know if I could just get my paw inside the door, I'd be the next big Hollywood starlet. Everyone would want a piece of Cathy Keisha.

My name in lights!

I can see it now. My name in lights. The papawrazzi elbowing each other as my famous new Twitter furrend Morris the Cat and I walk the red carpet together. Jetting to L.A. to be on the Tonight Show. Jetting back to N.Y. for my movie premiere. Jetting to Miami to record with Beyonce and JayZ. Jetting to Paris to walk the cat walk with a bunch of anoretic girls all jealous of my figure and stunning looks. Finally getting the recognition I deserve. The headlines: "The Truth About Cathy Keisha & Tiger Woods" and "Cathy Keisha: Buzz Lucas—My One and Only Love." My own i-phone. Hell, my own i-phone app! Meeting all the biggest stars, even the President! It was going to be like a dream if only I could get out of the house.

The magazine covers

Ma said she had never heard of the show and I was an indoor cat. I begged--and believe me, cats aren't used to begging. I pleaded. I cried but she would not let me out of the apartment. Sigh. What's a cat to do. Then she put the [censored] ball game on. A meaningless Spring Training game trumped Keisha's dream of greatness! Hmmmmph!

I'm not going to be the only one upset tonight when Pop learns that Michelle Trachtenberg, who played Dawn on "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" is on that show and she didn't get him an autograph or even a photo. All because the woman is jealous of my youth and my virtual celebrity. "Of course, I'll give you a paw print!"