Open Letter to Purina & Pathmark

Dear Mr. Pathmark and Mr. Purina,

My name is Cathy Keisha and I'm a well-respected and well-connected cat blogger.

Remember when Mi Bandara overcharged TW for my Fancy Feast?
You can bet she got her money back!

It has been brought to my attention by The Woman that, within the past 2 weeks, the price of a 3-oz can of regular Fancy Feast has risen from 72¢ to 83¢. That's an increase of 11¢ or 15 percent. I don't know which one of you is responsible for this but I'm not going to take it lying down.

As I understand it, the Consumer Price Index has risen by less than 1% in the last month, so a 15% increase is totally out of line. Is it corporate greed? It's corporate greed at its worst when it effects the cat! Hiss! Spit!

If Pathmark is responsible for this increase in the price of my Fancy Feast, I'm going to start buying online or at Shop Rite. Yeah, I know the peeps have already cashed in two of those Pet Club $9 coupons this year, but it still doesn't make up for your outrageous prices. I didn't ax you to renovate your store into some fancy-smancy place that no longer carries many of the products that we used to buy so I shouldn't have to pay through the very stunning nose for it.

Wonder if it's time for dindin yet? I'm starving!

Not long ago, the peeps were getting two cans for $1 in Pathmark and then they went up to 59¢ a can. The past few weeks, they've been on sale for 60¢ a can and we think it's a big bargain. Do you think when you take it off sale, people will forget that it was 73¢? In the past 3 years, you've raised the price 66% (from 50 to 83¢) while Pop's salary has remained the same. Something has got to give here and, believe me, this cat ain't eating store brand.

If this is an across the board hike by Purina so that I'll buy your expensive Mornings Gourmet or whatever the heck they are, it ain't working. I know what I like and I'm going to keep eating it. You didn't get me with the Elegant Medleys or the Cheese Delights or even the Gravy Lovers so what makes you think I'm going to change this time. OK, I did fancy the Elegant Medleys for a little while.

Unbeknownst to you, I've been cheating on the both of you. I've been going grain-free in the mornings, eating Soulistic Luna Tuna, Autumn Bounty and Island Illusion that we've been buying at Petco. I could switch to eating that exclusively and not eat Fancy Feast at all. Sure, I'd miss it for awhile but I'd adapt. It'd no doubt be better for my health. I mean, the peeps stopped eating red meat entirely over 30 years ago and they never missed it.

All this reminds me that I wanted to ax you exactly what the hell "meat by-products" are and why are they in my grilled tuna? Ditto the "artificial and natural flavors" and "added color." Cats are color blind. We don't care what color the tuna is as long as it IS real tuna and not meat by-products.

I don't think you know who you're messing wit'. My teeth and claws are razor sharp! I know I'm just a little ghetto kitteh; but when I have questions, you'd better have answers, na mean? So, why does a 3 oz. can of non-premium cat food cost almost a buck???? Someone is looking to get out of bankruptcy on the backs of the cats and kittens. I want to know who's responsible for this miscarriage of justice!

Perhaps its time to cash in my Mr. Chewy gift card, if it's still good. I've heard nothing but good things about their prices and customer relations.

STOP BEING SO GREEDY!

Very truly yours,

Cathy "Stunning" Keisha

Open Letter to P&G

Dear Mr. Proctor & Mr. Gamble:

My name is Cathy Keisha and I'm a very well-respected and well-connected cat blogger.

TW, didn't you buy cat Bounty?

I'm writing today on a topic of epic proportions. We are approaching crisis time here in the condo. As you know, we stopped using most of your products back on the mid-80s when we learned of all the horrible testing your company used animals for. We did, however, resume using Bounty paper towels when you brought out the cute cat prints. We couldn't resist. Now, however, we can't find them in Pathmark. In fact, we can't find them anywhere! All they have is crappy U.S. Olympic prints. BRING BACK THE CATS! Even though they were a kinda poor excuse for what cats really look like, still they were cats and they were cute. We're on the last roll and, if we can't find more cat towels, we'll be forced to look to another brand. After all, white is white, right?

Strength isn't really an issue here since the peeps use the cat Bounty as placemats. Everyone knows that if you have a REALLY BIG spill like The Great Birch Beer Caper, you clean it up with cloth towels to save the environment. Of course, this brings the question why the peeps don't use reusable placemats for themselves. They give ME a reusable placemat. But that's between me and them for another time.

They are kinda cute and they ARE cats! Bring back the cat prints!

Mr. P. & Mr G., I don't think you know who you're messing wit'. My teeth and claws are razor sharp! I know I'm just a little ghetto kitteh; but when I have questions, you'd better have answers, na mean? So, what happened to the cat print Bounty and why isn't it on my store's shelves????

While I have your attention, I thought I'd mention that your new website is f**ked messed up. We couldn't FIND the towels we were looking for. We couldn't find much of anything. All the links led back to the very confusing and busy home page or some shopping site that wasn't for the product we clicked on. And, oh yeah, before I sign off, we know you're lying so

STOP TESTING ON ANIMALS!

Very truly yours,

Cathy "Stunning" Keisha