Monday, June 1, 2015

Oatmeal: Healthy or Hazardous


STOP THE PRESSES!! WE INTERRUPT OUR USUAL BLOG FOR AN IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH!

First there was Hurricane Katrina. Then there was the Japan Earthquake and tsunami. Later came the tornadoes in Alabama. Now comes the Quick Oats incident of 2011.

☂♪Oatmeal keeps falling on my head and that means the woman will be bit until she's dead. 

There I was, peaceably eating my kibble in the kitchen, under the hanging cabinets, when suddenly I felt—ping—something hit me. Those somethings just kept on falling. Ping, ping, ping. What could it be? It was white like snow. Luckily for me, it was also as light as snow. I just about escaped when all hell broke loose. The white stuff came raining down furiously. The Woman cursed just as furiously. When she finally stopped the carnage, I found out it was the quick oats. Readers of this blog might've guessed that a 3-lb tub of oats doesn't vanish in my house as fast as, say, a 4-lb chocolate Easter bunny or a 2-lb brownie. No, it stays there almost until its expiration date and sometimes beyond.

They say oatmeal is supposed to be good for your skin, but I didn't stick around long enough to find out. And forget about the fact that it's supposed to be good for your heart; it damn near gave me a heart attack!

This package was so huge, peeps had to store it on it's side because it didn't fit upright in our cabinet; and, through one of life's little quirks, the top had partly opened. TW couldn't leave well enough alone and just clean up the few oats that were in the cabinet. That would've been too easy. In the process of trying to process what had happened, TW made matters much worse by opening the lid all the way. Oopsy! In less than a second, the kitchen floor was covered in oats, as well as the area rug and my place mat. There was even oats in my kibble and water dishes! I screamed at the woman! Woman, look what you've done! Get this [bleep] out of my food immediately, if not sooner! I'm telling on you! I was on a roll! I was beside myself! Here I was, trying to grab a few morsels of food and my snack had been interrupted. Although I was angry, more importantly, I now had grade-A blog material. I could nail TW and there wasn't anything she could do! From a safe distance, I gleefully clapped my paws.

I have to hand it to TW, there was nowhere near the crying and histrionics there usually is when something of this magnitude happens. In fact, she seemed to think it would've been hilarious if I'd have gotten completely covered in white oats. She laughed and laughed as I watched from the foyer with a "nut" sign over my head. She was, in fact, having a flashback to the great flour disaster of the 1990s.

Permit me to flash back to that time long before I was born.
Gramma was preparing to fry fish and so she had poured flour onto a piece of paper towel to coat the fish. Autumn ambled into the kitchen; and, before Gramma could stop her, she pulled the paper towel, flour and all, down upon her head. Bless, Bess, what a mess. Legend has it that her calico fur was white for about a week after that. I'd like to know why there are no pictures. If I'd gotten covered with oats, the flashy box would've documented the entire incident in gory detail.
After she got through laughing, TW's suddenly realized she had to run out to buy chicken for our dinner and it was 3:00 so she swept what she could of the oats into the garbage and ran out the door. (I'll tell you how she threw out the plastic pail that goes inside the garbage can another time.) Before she left, she refilled my kibble—you know what the consequences would've been had she NOT refilled the dish—and told me it wouldn't kill me if I got oats on my feet so I was allowed into the kitchen as if I'd set foot in there unless she came with me.  Listen here, woman! You better do a good job cleaning this mess up or Pop's gonna beat you! Of course, he wouldn't actually beat her, but this cat can dream.


After she came home, and I'd approved of the chicken, she had to break out the vacuum—I wish I had a picture of that to show Pop—and then washed the floor. Her steam cleaner is broken—apparently Shark's aren't very durable—so she had to get down on all fours and scrub. Again, I wish I had a flashy box.

Why is it that I can go for weeks without a blog because nothing exciting—or should I say nothing that would embarrass TW—ever happens. When I finally scrape something together, an event that begs to be written about rears its amusing little head.

While Plush CK and TW are in Nashville at Blogpaws, I’m reposting same funny blogs from the past. This one is from May 18, 2011. As a bonus, I added another pic not on the original.

24 comments:

Katnip Lounge said...

Just as funny as the first time, CK!!!!!

Summer at sparklecat.com said...

CK, tell TW that the peacock feather made it through the flight - although just barely - and Binga and I are enjoying it!

The Daily Pip said...

Geez, I had no idea quick oats were so scary. I will be sure to avoid them for fear of attack. LOL

The Island Cats said...

Thank cod there's no oats in our house!

Austin Towers said...

I don't remember the first time, but death by porridge seems a noble way to die!! Good for you milking it! Hahaha I am so laughing at my own jokes!! ;)

pilch92 15andmeowing said...

That was a funny one :) I am enjoying these older posts. they are all new to me.

Melissa and Truffles (Mochas, Mysteries and Meows) said...

That is hysterical, CK. I actually had a container of oats break open on me once too but luckily it was a small container :)

Fur Everywhere said...

MOL, CK! We think you would make an adorable white cat!

ANGEL ABBYGRACE said...

Mom better never try oats on my fur! MOL

Mariodacat said...

That is a great story ck. Perhaps the best one yet and one we have not heard yet.
Thanks for providing the laugh for the day.

Brian said...

I hope to be oatless for quite a while CK!

Anonymous said...

We are oatless here too....which is a good thing....stuff like that would normally be on the top shelf in our pantry and that could be a REAL MESS if something happened to it from up there to ME down here!

Hugs, Sam

da tabbies o trout towne said...

Ck...wearz a ponee when ya knead him....sorre for laffin N laffin....we troo lee iz laffin.... with ya...knot at cha.....

tho we gotta say...what da be jjezuz.... iz ya a prooovin burd for.....

safe travels home ta TW♥

modern nomad said...

So...oats all over! Eek!

Noodle and crew

Tamago said...

LOL I wish I could be there to witness the quick oats incident :-) The story of gramma and Autumn is very funny, too!

Sometimes, Cats Herd You said...

We don't remember reading this before. Too funny!

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

YOU have a PLACE MAT???? That's the best oatmeal story ever! My Human never does anything fun like that. I need to embarrass her more--maybe I could set something up. . . ::taps paw:: XOXOXO

Flynn said...

That is so funny! Not for you of course but at least you got to see TW on all fours scrubbing the floor.

RAINA'S CAT RESCUE said...

Funny!

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

Laying in my litter box?!?!? I'd be offended if I wasn't snorting half and half though my nosicles.

Kitties Blue said...

Since we were not around in 2011, we were happy to have the opportunity to read about this amusing incident. Thanks, CK. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

Marty the Manx said...

Thanks for the repost! We find it funny!!!!

Katie Isabella said...

I LOVED this CK> Got my Sunday morning off to a smiling start. Mommy too.

Dash Kitten said...

You had us giggling fit to bust CK!!!!