New Year's Revolutions

How do you mess w/perfection?

I've made some New Year's Revolutions. For the peeps, that is. It's hard to improve upon my perfection so why try. I'm as perfect-a-mundo as a cat can get.

I think Pop should absolve to bang his head less and reduce the number of concussions he incurs this year. He should also spend more time with me and buy me lots of stuff. If he wants me to sleep with him, a pillowtop mattress stuffed with green papers will do the trick.

As for TW: OMC there's so much—or should I say little—to work with here. She needs to find a job where she can work from home, so I can still get food on demand but she can help pay the bills. She also has a—how can I say this delicately. I can't so I'll just blurt it out—fat ass that needs downsizing. Let's face it, she looks like one of those Wide-ettes from Saturday Night Live. I propose that she give me one-half of her chicken every night, therefore forcing her to diet. I also see her playing with me more because all that bending and fetching will be wonderful for toning the, ahem, buttocks muscles. I mean, you should see her bouncing off the furniture. It's like playing bumper cars.

TW should absolve to clean my litter box right after I use it—not a couple of hours later. As long as she's home, she has no excuse not to. Also, no ball games on tv when the cat wants to play. I'm not going to be around forever so take advantage of me while you can. Too many of my furrends crossed that Rainbow Bridge last year.

Both peeps need to start eating more meat in 2011. This chicken-only diet is killing me, er, them. How many ways can you prepare the stuff? They should absolve to start cooking roast of beef and steak. Omaha steak to be precise.

I hope to start implementing these rules, er, Revolutions, as quickly as possible. There's gonna be a lot of changes around here, I can assure you.