Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Today's sermon: Gluttony

I was going to blog this week about the different ways in which I've avoided taking my meds these past 3 weeks. As you know, I was diagnosed with Bartonella virus aka Cat Scratch Fever and was sentenced to antibiotics for 21 days. Pop decided it would be a good idea to grab me first thing in the morning—after he had dressed for work—and have TW ram the eyedropper into my mouth. Not such a good idea since I had a better idea. My idea was to let the meds—thick brown smelly stuff—trickle out of my mouth all over his good designer shirts. Two days left and he still hasn't learned to use a towel to protect his shirts. Pre-treat became a household word around this place on wash day.

The 4-lb chocolate bunny
Now for my main blog subject: gluttony. For 4 years, the peeps rationed me to ⅓ of a 5 oz can of wet food and a scoop full of dry kibble every day. Meanwhile, they ate everything that could fit into their mouths including the 4-lb chocolate rabbit that came into our house at Easter time. I'd say, they ate it in about 4 days, which would be 8 servings in total. This week, came the 2-pound brownie. I wish I had a picture of it; but I was a couple of days too late. Seems someone neglected to tell the gluttons that 1/4 pound of brownie was NOT one serving. Pathmark neglected to cut the brownie into proper servings so the peeps cut into it with glee. I'm sure Pathmark figured 2 pounds of brownies would feed a bunch of kids at a Halloween party, not two adults who don't know when they've had enough. It was a binge for the ages. On the other hand, the 2½ lb bag of apples TW bought is still sitting there one week later. I count 7 apples still sitting in it. Yum, they'll eat an apple and wash it down with a quarter pound of brownie. Then they'll tell you they ate a healthy apple for dessert. If they needed their stomachs pumped, they'd tell the doctors to pump the apple out but leave the chocolate. The thing that gets me is if they buy a box of chocolates, they limit themselves to 3 little pieces a night. It's open season on uncut brownies though.

Pop thinks because he walks 3½ miles a day at lunchtime, it gives him license to eat brownie until it comes out his tuckus, wherever that it. TW, she's been very depressed and what better way to cheer up than with a brownie orgy. Besides, it would be a shame for the brownie to go bad so they might as well enjoy it while it's still fresh. The thing is Pop is a tad over-weight but TW was thin but has started letting herself go. By the time, I become a lap cat, I won't have a lap to sit in, if you know what I mean. The peeps will be round as pumpkins.

Tonight, while stuffing their faces, Pop mentioned that he was online and noticed Krause's Homemade Candy had a 4-lb chocolate pumpkin and ... I knew what was coming next. Gak, I felt the bile rising in my throat. I think I managed to talk him into waiting for the 4-lb Santa at Christmas. And me, I'm getting an entire 3-oz can of food now. Whoopee! I think it'll all going to my hips, too.

Look at this! Finished by the 5th inning
Their gluttony is not limited to chocolate, although that's the main culprit. I've told some of my Twitter furrends about the popcorn and 32-oz bong of strawberry daiquiri the peeps had at the last ballgame of the season. A week later, they're still working on the last kernels of popcorn but the drink was gone by the 5th inning. To be fair, so was about three-quarters of the popcorn. Do you know how much salt was in that popcorn? And Pop with his high blood pressure. Soon, I'm gonna be ramming meds into HIS mouth.

Next week, I heard Pathmark was having a BOGO on the leftover 1-lb brownies. That would add up to, let's see, one meal apiece. After all, they aren't cut into servings so they must be single helpings. I'm beginning to think they need Chocoholics Anonymous.

14 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean! My folks bought bunches of chocolate Halloween candy even though we don't get trick or treaters. Guess who's been eating it like there's no tomorrow! mama! She gonna be round as a big huge pumpkin any day now. She say's it's OK since Halloween is her BIRTHDAY so it's a treat for her. She won't be saying that when she has to go shopping for bigger clothes!

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  2. I think all humans are like this. They watch everything we do and every bite we eat, drag us to the v-e-t, make us run around like crazy and they sit and watch tv and munch. Sigh.

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  3. i am going to has to have a conversation about this verreh same thing wif my mommeh.

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  4. Mom saw that 4 lb. chocolate rabbit and shudder. You see, our mom is weird like that. She doesn't like a lot of chocolate. Her food vices (besides fast food) are popcorn, ice cream, and pecan pie. German Chocolate Cake would be on there if she could find some around here that was good!

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  5. My human does not eat much (she is a pathological food label/calorie reader), but what she does eat is not always good for her! Somebody needs to tell her that just because one dark chocolate truffle is just 190 calories, it does not make a good meal replacement!

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  6. I think you has been peeking in our windows again cuz it's another post dat certainly fits this house. Meanwhile, I'm limited to under 1 cup of dat new kibble they bought (which I dearly love) and a treat of canned in the morning and again at dinner time. Now I ask you - is this fair!!

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  7. I sure do feel your pain! My Mom feeds me a 1/3 of a can of RABBIT twice a day and 1/4 cup kibble (a little bit more at lunch if I am a good boy!!)
    wow your Mom and Dad sure sound like they are into chocolate big time! Do they friggin bathe in it too?
    Hey if they do, film it!!! MOL, MOL!!
    BTW Cathy you and I should hook up and hit the town one day! I like how you think!
    Love, Cody

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  8. Wow! That is more than they probably want anyone to know. Sounds like my beans.

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  9. MOL! I knoz just what you mean wid da hoomans and the NEVER ending eating, and to think they deny poor Oogie the occasional mousie dat she brings in. It just not fair.

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  10. That was pretty funny, but I think I need a snack!

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  11. You are the picture of perfection my stunning girl, you should get all the noms you wish!

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  12. Hahaaaaaa! My peeps started drooling at the mention of the 4lb bunny and haven't stopped. They would like advance notice of the arrival of the 4lb Santa so that they have time to book a flight or rent a car to visit u. ;)
    xoxo

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  13. Coincidentally, my folks have been on a brownie binge here, too! Mary Lou makes hers with black coffee (in place of water added).

    Got a big haha from your comment about the stomach being pumped and how the apple would come out, but not the brownie! So funny!

    So, great sermon. One of the best I've heard!

    Tom

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  14. Loved your post, from a new follower.

    www.coloradobeckers.blogspot.com

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