Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I've Been Railroaded!

CK needs a mouthpiece and she needs one pronto. I got a timeout! Can y'all believe that? Me? Ms.-I'd-never-hurt-a-flea! This little cat from the hood knows her rights and will fight this until the Supurreme Court!

CK in the "tunnel of pain"
The events that led up to the "timeout" started Caturday. TW had her hand stuck in the "tunnel of pain"—in my opinion that's looking for trouble—and suddenly the tunnel lived up to it's name. When TW took her hand out, there was a 2-inch slit on her wrist that was bleeding pretty good. It looked like someone took a blade to it. She looked at me like I was guilty without benefit of a trial. I said Woman, you don't have anything on me. It's wasn't me. Did you see anything in that dark tunnel? I don't think so. Sometimes, TW forgets that in American, everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

Cut to yesterday. I was having a friendly game of attack the string with TW; and, before you know it, she was holding that same wrist and excusing me of biting her in almost the same place she'd been scratched. Wasn't me! I defended myself. There are 3 other cats on the bed and any one of them could be the guilty party. She said the other cats were stuffies and couldn't just get up and jump her on their own. None of this made any sense to me. If the cats weren't alive, what the Sam Hill were they doing in the house? With so many shelter cats needing homes, why was our house filled with zombie cats?

Do you know what TW did next? She gave me a timeout! She shut the door to the bedroom and went out for a couple of hours, maybe even a couple of days. I was in there with no food and 3 potentially dangerous stuffies. I had water and a litter box but NO FOOD! Can you hear me! NO FOOD! FOR DAYS! Oh sorry, I think I became hysterical in my tiny jail cell. [EDITOR'S NOTE: She was in there for about 20 minutes and I let her out before I went shopping. That tiny "jail cell" was about 200 sq ft., which is larger than some NYC apartments.] [CK's NOTE: Don't try to change history, woman. These cats know I'm in a bad situation unless my Pop is home.]

I hope you can tell us apart better than TW.
Many readers know I have a doppelgänger who goes by the name of Herñia Hernandez Gutierrez, AKA HHGutt, who's no good—plain and simple. This Mexican—yeah, it says right on his tag "Heche en Mexico"—has done me wrong before.  He'd stop at nothing to get me in trouble; but TW thinks he's Saint Guadalupe or something. I don't even think he's in this country legally. I'll have to check on it.  At her age, I'm sure all TW saw was a gray blur and immediately blamed me. You can see from the photo how someone HER age could make that mistake.

My furrend Boris Kitty, also has a doppelgänger, named Edgar, who goes to events that he's too busy to attend. I'll have to ax him if Edgar gets him in all sorts of trouble too. Frankly, if HHGutt ever went to, say BlogsPaw, and pretended to be me, I'd rip all his stitches out. I'd mail him to Busy Buttons and let her have her way with him.

Now what would give TW the idea that sweet, lovable CK has the capacity for violence?
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UPDATE ON DAISY
She's on the mend and back home with her family. Hopefully, she's regained her ability to use the litter box and will have minimal lasting affects from her ordeal.

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UPDATE ON ADMIRAL HESTROB'S MOM 
Admiral Hestrob is one of my most loyal readers and furrends. Her Mom had an accident and broke her wrist and hurt her knee. Why am I telling you this? Because the Admiral's Mom won't be able to type up the blogs and tweets the Admiral dictates to her. We'll all miss her wonderful comments on our blogs, as well. You can read more about her accident on Mario's Meowsings. Please keep her in your purrayers and send good thoughts to the Admiral via Twitter.

15 comments:

Brian said...

I think there is some major confusion, you must have a look-a-like out there somewhere getting you in trouble! Hooray for Daisy, that really is good news!

Anonymous said...

Hi, CK. Little Crow here. I just wanted to tell you how unfair all this seems to me! I on your side!! I'll be your lawyer, even!!! And good news about Daisy!

Sparkle said...

Great news about Daisy! And CK, I suggest you take your human to court over this. I think restitution is in order.

Mr Puddy said...

You got no idea, How much I enjoy to read this post : )
My mom say " Ouch !!! " along the way, She must feel it because she got from me too sometime...Lots of tattoo !!!

And I'm so happy for Daisy : )

About Admiral's mommy, Did you read Mario's post today ? All details..We need a ton of purrs and prayer for her.I'm so worry about her, seriously !

Fusa said...

The nerve of TW to insinuate it was you that injured her and not one of your stuffed friends. Hope she's OK though and didn't need stitches. Don't forget, she's the one that feeds you! Love you as always,
Fusa

Clooney said...

Girl, you rock! Keep blaming it on the tunnel, we all know "they" are capable of outlandish things...And about that HHGutt, uh, let's keep an eye on him, shall we? Continued purrs for Daisy and Admiral's Mom.

Mariodacat said...

Hey CK - Don't bite the "hand that feeds you." ha ha- TW should also learn not to "stick her paws in places they don't belong." It seems to my neutral self that your punishment was unusually harsh and uncalled for. TW should ber reported and made to pay a heavy fine of giving you anything you want for 2 weeks as her punishment. When you have bitten the staff, you should be rewarded with extra kibble for not being a "stuffed animal" like the ones on your bed. There -the judge has ruled.

ha ha- we're going away from your blog laughing hysterically.

Pandafur said...

Tunnel of pain! They hoomanz iz so kwick to akyooze kittehs of da claw-crimes. I say keep your hooman handz outta mai claws wayz hoomanz or else! You go CK! *high-paw*

Admiral Hestorb said...

mom laffed and laffed..enough to move me on her lap!!
How dare she not look to those nefarious stuffies first? The nerve!

Fank fur da loves fur mommy. She wants badly to see efurryone.

Baby Patches said...

OMC! You has been surely railroaded my furriend. I hope TW has been better lately since dis posting. Its those other cats for sure!

Luvs your Tunnel of Pain! MOL

Cherie K. Miller said...

Dropping by on the blog hop today.That's what the world needs today - another talking cat - but it's cute! Stop by my blog www.pet-peeves.org to see a cat say "Let me in" at his owner's window.

Marg said...

Oh nooos, that norty TW putting you in jail for six days. That must have been horrible. Glad to hear that your are all right and that Daisy is OK too. This is our first visit here and we are so glad to meet you. There are a whole bunch of cats where we live so it will take you awhile to get to know them. But we are having a Goat soap giveaway today.

Clarissa said...

Fiona is always putting the bitey on mom. And if mom gets scratched it's usually Fiona or Puff. Anymew, we think you deserve a trial before a jury of your peers. Maybe you should look into getting a cattorney and seek legal recourse!

Kruse Kats said...

Having been in the same situation, you are definitely not at fault, especially since I have Parker and you have HHGutt. they cause such stress.
Love, the Mags

Ryker The Tonkinese said...

I agree with Mags! Bratty other kittehs in the household are4 NOTHING but trouble.

- signed, Allie (stealing Ryker's signon again CUZ I CAN!SO THERE!)