Friday, March 30, 2012

Feral Friday

TW thinks I'm bipolar. I don't know why that is cos anyone can see I'm not a bear. I'm a cat, Woman! She also says I run hot and cold. Again, I'm not a faucet and I'm not water so how can that be? I'm a cat, Woman. See my claws?? Better still, feel my claws??

She's trying to teach me to play without using my claws and teeth. Good luck with that, Woman. I can see you need to feel my claws otherwise you think I'm running water. I see some nice, juicy flesh and start to salivate. Can you blame me? I've tried not scratching her when we play but it just isn't fun. Now I've got a "Time Out" and she's crying all over the place. She wants to know, with all the cuddly cats in shelters, why they had to adopt a feral one, without any love in my soul. Just lucky, I guess. Suck it up, Woman. Really, those are pretty strong allegations. No love in my soul? I am hurt and I can see by that scratch that you are too.

The reason for her falsehoods and innuendos is that I'll go a couple of weeks being nice and sweet and then, out of nowhere, I attack for the kill.

I'm watching you, HHGutt! I know you're up to something!
Case in point: I was finally allowed back in the bedroom last week and have been sleeping peacefully on the pillow next to her head. She says it's been killing her allergies but why should I care. I'm on a nice comfy pillow on top of a nice comfy pillowtop mattress. If she didn't want me to sleep here, she should've gotten a mattress hard as a slab of concrete like Pop did.

Last night, I jumped on the bed and instead of curling into a ball, I stared at her. That's all I did was stare. Is there something in the Constitution that staring is illegal. She got all bent out of shape and moved herself into the other room. I soon followed and the be-atch took that opportunity to go back in her room and lock the door! Let me state that at no time last night was she attacked in any way, shape or form!

Look at this innocent face!
Her claim is when I stare, I'm just waiting to attack her. The first move she makes or bare skin I see and I'll be on her. That is just not fair and would never stand up in a court of law, except maybe in Florida. Intent is NOT a crime, Woman! I've explained that its HHGutt that hurts her at night and not me but she's not buying. I have the most innocent face so I don't unnerstand what her problem is. I suspect it's that she doesn't like me. What's a sweet little cat do do?

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wednesday Word of the Day—Paint

This little ghetto kitteh has a new hobby. Painting. TW has finally given my iPawd back and I loaded the Cat Paint app. Although I'm not about the cut off my ear or anything, I think I'm quite good. I'm just now experimenting with different colors and palettes. When I get better, I'm gonna take my spray paint and start to beautify the city. I've chosen to name my pieces after the famous fish painter, Jackson Pollock. He was one tasty talented artist.
As I paint my masterpiece. The artist at work.

Baked Pollock
 I'm also gonna make political statements with my art, as you can see by this last piece. We are all Trayvon Martin.
Poached Pollock aka The Senseless Murder of Trayvon Martin.
My art will soon be coming to a subway car or a vacant building in your hood. At a later date, I'll also be auctioning some pieces off for charity.

I didn't do it and I don't know who did!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Mancat Monday—Petie

George the Duck made this beautiful graphic of Angel Petie
I was going to do a different Mancat Monday today but instead I'll dedicate this blog to a dear, sweet Twitter furrend, who went to the Rainbow Bridge last night at 11:45. Petie (@Petiethecat on Twitter) was a true gentleman. For the past couple of years, he's had to deal with many health issues, but he never complained. He fought the good battle and always thought of his Mama and Daddy. I truly believe his love and desire to stay with them kept him going. He is survived by his Mama and Daddy and his wife Pandafur. She's quite broken up so I hope you visit and offer her comfort.

I love you Petie! Thank you for being a good Twitter furrend and for the prizes you always donated to the Pawpawties. I wouldn't have my beloved FURminator if not for your generosity. Every time I see the vibrant reds and oranges of a rainbow, I'll think of you.

Friday, March 23, 2012

I'm a Celebrity, certainly NOT a Trainwreck!!


My innerview to hype The Real Housecats for the Hudson Reporter went pretty well, I think. Of course, The Woman tried to screw it up by not mentioning most of the lovable characteristics that make me stand out, not only on Twitter but as a Real Housecat of the Blogosphere. She didn't even mention my stunningness until the very end! Can you believe that? I came out of my office and put in an appearance before she left and had to endure a photo session. This was a real, live photo session with a real huge camera. I've never seen anything that looked like that. I preened, of course. I posed. But mostly I looked confused that she came just to see me.
Get my good, side, Lady. OK, I don't have a bad side.
Today, we got our Real Housecats' swag. The t-shirts are pawsome! Imagine! Me, on a t-shirt! Of course, I'm just one of —I believe I counted 12—twelve celebrity cats on the shirts. Pop loved the Get Real design the best, so he ordered that one. They're mailing the buttons separately. I got buttons so I can give them out to promote the show.

Of course, now that I'm a starlet, I have to play the part; i.e. Pawty Hearty! I've taken to hanging out in bars in Jersey City with Snooki and JWoww. (Sorry, no pictures, please!) Some have seen me in conpromising positions and think I have a problem with Silvervine, as well as nip, but I don't. I've got it all under patrol. Those videos—http://youtu.be/Aqg8S0KY0-o and http://youtu.be/aQ09nx_EMrA—were both taken out of context. I certainly wasn't as stoned as I appear to be. And, yeah, I did crash my vintage Mustang but that doesn't mean I have a problem.  Nope, success hasn't gone to my head. I haven't changed one bit. Well, I'd like to stay and chat but I promised to meet the girls in JC at 4 and it's 4.25 now, so I'd better be off. Vrrrrroooooooommmmm!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Wednesday Word of the Day—Hostage

DO I look happy? Lemme go Pop so I can widdle on the USPS!
The Post Office is F***ed up! Yes, they're holding my Silvervine from Bin hostage. Pop bought me a P*Low and some Vine out of the goodness of his heart and they're holding it hostage. I was gonna do a nice little post today about how my innerview with the Hudson Reporter went yesterday but these idiots forced my paw.

TW's been to the Post Office twice this week and they refuse to give it to her. Why? Because it has Pop's name on it. Can you imagine, kitties, if MY name was on it? Would they need to see MY ID? Today she went back after Pop had signed the back authorizing them to give it to her. Nope, she didn't bring the correct ID. She bought 5 pieces of Pop's ID and they wouldn't accept any of them. Does he have a passport? No! Driver's License? No. They want his state-issued ID. What's he going to do if he actually NEEDS that ID. He's in NYC all day and if, God forbid, something happened like when he broke his elbow, they wouldn't treat him at the hospital without ID.

When TW was passing our mailboxes on the way home, she saw the postman and axed him how she could pry my Silvervine out of their grubby paws. He told her to sign the back and he'd have the regular postman deliver it tomorrow or Friday. After he'd left and TW checked our box, sure enough, there was another slip for the package. She isn't very sharp or she'd have ran after him. Instead she came upstairs with a wet face. By the time, she thought of running after him, he was long gone. Now, he has the slip with our signature; we have another slip; and we don't know what's going to happen to our package. Will someone see the signature and think we'd gotten the package??

The peeps are beside themselves. Pop doesn't want to spend his only day off at the Post Office. He doesn't want to go before work and risk losing his job if he gets in late. No wonder the Post Office is going out of business. Not only wouldn't they give TW the package WE PAID FOR, but they were rude to her as well. When she said, you're holding the package hostage, they said "isn't that a pretty strong word?" Yes, it is but it's exactly what they're doing. We paid for that package and they have no right NOT to give it to us.

This is a good reason why we need an American distributor like Nip and Bones to sell the Silvervine P*Lows and powder. This is no knock against Bin, but I need my presents to be dropped off at the concierge so we can pick them up. I get packages addressed to me all the time without problems. Dealing with the USPS is for the birds.

Addendum: IT'S HERE!!!!! The Postman kept his word and put it in our mailbox today! I'm going WILD! Video to follow soon! SCREEEE!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Mancat Monday—Jamal

Meet Jamal! He's a member of my posse. He lives on the wrong side of the parking lot from me. His human calls him his "Buddy," but back on the 'Paw, he was known as Jamal Jonez. He's the type of cat, your parents warned you about: sneaking down the alleyway, looking for a fight. Howling at the moon on a hot summer's night. You get the picture. A lot of ladycats swooned over Jamal. Seems that TW swoons over him too.

TW has never had a thing for orange/ginger/cinnamon kitties until now. She LOVES Jamal and P-Kitty, who you'll meet as soon as TW can stop scritching him long enough to take his picture. Jamal is usually smart enough to keep his distance.

I'll bet this is the first time—outside of police blotter shots—that Jamal has ever had his picture taken. He looked kind of in awe for his first photo session, but relaxed for the 2nd one. Apparently, his Daddy isn't big on taking pictures of the cat. As long as he feeds him, Jamal is OK with that.

Jamal is an Alley through and through. You can see some of his battle scars from his skirmishes with the Toms. He's tough, that's for sure. Check that ear out! I bet the Tom who took him on looks a lot worse. Jamal takes a licking and keeps on ticking.


Although their house is in total disrepair—TW says it looks like a shack in the "sticks" whatever that means—Jamal has his own kitty door, so he can go in and out whenever he wants to. Trust me, with all the warm sun puddles, he's wanted to go out a lot lately.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Luck of the Irish


Cathy O'Keisha here to wish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day with some jiggy music. You'll probably enjoy it better with some corned beef and Silvervine. I went 14-2 on my March Madness brackets yesterday. I hope you aced it also. Since I don't know from NCAA, it's the luck o' the Irish!


Irish by Cathy Keisha on Grooveshark

Disclaimer: Neither myself or the peeps are actually Irish although one of them does have a name that's the female equivalent of Patrick. They also enjoy their Irish soda bread and Irish cream whiskey. I'll drink to that!



Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Wednesday Word of the Day—Spring

The trees are starting to bloom.
Spring has sprung a little early around here. As if we actually had a winter! I've been getting window whiffies for about a month now, on and off, when it's not damp and rainy. As I write this, its 70 degrees!

Caturday, Pop must've been watching BirdTV from his chair at the lunch table. He got TW's attention to look out the window. Apparently, there was a huge white bird on the roof of the Wuena Wista (not really the buildings name, but MY name for it). They couldn't decide if it was a seagull, a goose, a duck (do they even fly?) or what it was. One thing they knew was it wasn't a pigeon. Usually the only kind of birds we see around here are pigeons, which some humans call rats with wings. They tried in vain to get me over to the window.  They can't make me do nothing I don't want to—and I CAN use a double negative cos I'm from da hood!— so when the peeps called me over to the window, I ignored them. Yeah, right, peeps! I'm sure there's nothing to see here. By the time TW got her camera, it had waddled up on the elevator shaft, but TW tried to photograph it anyway.


And, for my furrends who will feel cheated because they wanna see a stunning picture of ME, here's one of the first taken in my mauve bed.

The old bed was a lot more comfy. *grumble*

Monday, March 12, 2012

Product Review—Shrimp Cat Toy

When I got my latest order from my favorite toy store, NipandBones.com, I was shocked to find a surprise! I had joined Baby Patches' testing team a long time ago, but didn't know whether they'd trust me to review anything. Everyone knows I don't play like the usual cat. I like children's toys better than most nip toys.

I'd ordered a couple of new toys for my Neko Fly, since TW squashed my original Kragonfly. (I wish it was a real Kragonfly so it would've stung her on the fat ass butt before she crushed it.) I got a new Kragonfly and a small Kittenator. I didn't even wait until TW put the Kittenator on the wand before I went after it. I had a ball with it.

Now on to the real product review. I couldn't believe it when I saw the Shrimp Cat Toy! It's official name is the Cat'n Around from Imperial Cat.  I'd just discovered how tasty real shrimp were a few weeks ago, so I couldn't wait for TW to cut it off the cardboard. There were not one, but 2 toys—the shrimp and a tadpole. I was intrigued by the stretchy legs on the tadpole. I had to give my new toys the sniff test.

The package says in display type in a starburst "Smell the Catnip!" Well, we couldn't and this is before TW got all stuffy with a head cold. Maybe the trip across the country robbed the aroma. TW had to really roll it in her hands and squeeze it to get the smell out. She must've did a good job, or maybe it was a sound of the rattle inside it, but I jumped up on my jungle gym for a closer inspection. I was interested in it when it was in her hand; or maybe I was just interested in her hand. Once she put it down, I walked away.

Lemme smell it, Woman! It's MY toy!

Now lemme smell the other side!
TW tried to get me to play with the toys. She finally succeeded when she threw the tadpole down the hall. I went bounding after it. I love to run and I love to zoom after toys. It bears repeating that I don't play like other cats do. I like interaction with the human. She did this a couple of times with both the shrimp and the tadpole, which she did see me bunny kicking once when I thought she wasn't looking. Today, she caught me bunny kicking the shrimp. These toys are growing on me!

I dare anyone to take this tadpole away from me!
Upon seeing the toy, TW was afraid that a cat could chew off and swallow the eyeballs on the tadpole and the string legs on the shrimp. Otherwise, this is a good toy, if you're into nip toys that don't smell that strongly. I didn't go wild for it; but I didn't ignore it either. So far, TW has only found 3 nip toys that I'll play with—my plague ratsy, which I blow hot and cold on; my Skinneeeez smousey and my nip candy cane.

Disclaimer: As a member of Baby Patches' Tester Team, other than receiving the product for free, I'm not getting paid for this review. The opinions are my own cos everyone knows you can't put words in this little kitteh's mouth.
                                                                                                                                       
BREAKING NEWS: For those of you who love Silvervine and Silvervine pillows, NipandBones.com are poised to become the sole U.S. distributor of Bin's Vine. You won't have to wait for your Vine to arrive from Malaysia anymore. I MAY have had something to do with it.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

They Taste Just Like Chick-hen

BREAKING NEWS! Pop's foot has been attacked again! You may remember this picture from a couple of weeks ago, now there's been a repeat mauling and once again the gangsta cat has been blamed. I know you're getting as tired of reading about these attacks as I am of reporting them.

File "foot"age of Pop's foot from the last attack.
Pop admits that he didn't see me; and, furthermore, he didn't even know I was in the room. Hint to Pop: I wasn't in the room. I'm hurt because I expect better out of Pop. I know TW is looking for any reason to send me back to jail but Pop loves me. As you can see below, there were many actors in the room. I wasn't one of them. I can prove my innocence. I will hire the best mouthpiece available.

I dare Pop to pick the culprit out of this lineup!

 I've once again been framed!


FWIW, and this is between you and me: Humans DO taste like chick-hen.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Thank-You-Very-Much-Woman Thursday

This bed is RUINED!
Let's talk BEDS, shall we? I have a very nice one that I love. You've all seen pictures of me on this blog in that bed. As I'm looking for art, maybe you HAVEN'T seen it, althought I've had this bed a long time. I'm hear to report that TW RUINED my bed! RUINED IT!! She also REFUSES to let me share the big bed in what she likes to call HER room. HAH! Like anything's HERS in this condo!

My little bed is three or four years old. It's still in tip-top condition. TW has washed it many times. It's got a cushion that comes out or you can throw the entire thing into the machine. Sunday was one of those days when TW threw the entire thing into the machine, along with Pop's wooly coat, that he dropped a slice of pizza on. Honestly, you can't take Pop anywhere!

When my bed came out of the dryer, it smelled weird. It smelled different. It certainly didn't smell of me! TW used the wrong [bleeping] detergent on it! She always uses All, Free and Clear, with no dyes and no perfumes. For some reason, this time she used Cold Water Tide. Maybe it was because she wanted to get the tough stain out of the coat. Who knows and who cares! All I know and care about is that my bed smells terrible! Peeeuuuu! I cannot lay in that bed and it's all TW's fault!

I find it hard to believe that TW only has 2 photo shoots of me in my bed.
TW decided yesterday that she could make it all better by rewashing it in the All, but the smell didn't come out! My bed still smells like a perfumed, chemical disaster. I'm not even sure it's SAFE to climb into that thing. I should repeat, that this was where I sleep EVERY night and most of the day when TW is on the computer. Now I spend all day on the hard kitchen chair and I roam around, bedless, every night because …

The Woman locks me out of her room at night! She claims she's scared of me because I've "attacked" her too many times after the lights are out. Dunno why she hasn't figured out that HHGutt is the real culprit. Sure, blame the little ghetto cat. Believe me, I'm gonna start playing the race card, if this "blame game" doesn't stop.

Last night we had a "standoff" until almost 2 in the morning. I say, if I can't sleep in my bed, she can't sleep either. I kept her awake by scratching under her door. It drove her crazy. Oh, the cursing! Oh, the crying! And SHE has a comfy bed with a pillow top mattress to sleep on! I'M the one sleeping on the cold floor because I can't lay in my soft, comfy blue bed.

The old standby. The foam is shot after years of use but at least it doesn't smell.
Last night, I managed to get on the big bed for awhile but it ended ugly, with accusations that I was looking for her blood. What? Can't a cat glare at her human; can't a cat give her stink eye? I'll admit I had a motive, after spending nearly an hour locked outside the room. I'll also enter a plea of INNOCENCE in any court of law. I don't want to tell you what happened next, but this cat was scratching under the door again in no time. Nothing scares this cat! Bring on your weapons of mass destruction, my teeth and claws are sharp and I have no fear!

Then TW THOUGHT she was smart and brought out the Rescue Remedy that she'd recently purchased for just these occasions. She tried putting a drop behind my ear. HAH! In seconds, I resumed knocking on the door. By then, I think the Rescue Remedy put her out cos the cussing and fussing ceased. I was still left out in the cold, without a bed to call my own.

At this point, I don't know what needs to be done with my bed to make to habitable, but something clearly needs to be done. I still have my ancient bed and I also have a new one that I never gave a chance cos I liked my blue one so much. TW says I should learn to like the new pink bed. MY preference remains the pillow top queen size mattress that she sleep on. If she's a REAL cat lover, I think she should sleep on the couch, if she's as scared of me as she claims.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

What's a Girl Cat To Do??

I was hanging with my honey, Buzz Lucas, when who should appear out of his tunnel? The Spitman! Did his tunnel travel bring him here? Whoa! Talk about awkward moments! Wait, is this a scene from Housecats? No, Buzz isn't in the cast. Gotta act cool … keep my head …


Monday, March 5, 2012

Royal Glitterboxes

I've decided that since I'm a star of the Real Housecats of the Blogosphere, I need to make some changes around here. Number one would be my litter box. I need something worthy of my new stature.
I remember seeing a paper on our couch with a story about "Glitterboxes." I'm glad I ripped the story out because I think it's about time to order one.

The Glitterbox is hygienic, pet-safe and easy to move and maintain. It says you can use them as a litter box with removable tray or as a bedroom with comfortable pillow. Hmmm, note to self: maybe I should order TWO. Get your humans credit card cos these babies will set them back a mere $800, give or take, depending on how much 22-karat GOLD you want it embellished with and size. With the price of gold these days, you can probably sell your box and make a hefty profit in a year or two. Think of all the noms and toys you can buy. Tell your humans to consider it a good investment in their cat's future.


Koliska Studios, which just happens to be in my home town, also makes one-of-a-kind pet beds and pavilions. They advertise custom designs and deluxe finishes. Yes, furrends, these pet houses are decorated with real GOLD, as well as silvered and etched glass, handcast ornaments, and, did I mention GOLD!

Can you see King Spitty lounging in this one?
They're 2 x 2-feet so any cat or small dog will fit into them. And, are your humans ready for this? they only cost between $1000 and $2000, depending on the size, materials and ornamentation requested. I'm sure all my fellow cast members will be splurging on these lavish pavilions.

Live large! You only have 9 lives so you might as well live them in style. Tell them Cathy Keisha, star of stage, screen and internet, sent you.

Disclosure: I was not compensated for this "review." I just liked the litter boxes and decided to write about them. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Easy Like Sunday

Usually I spend Sunday morning curled up on Pop's chair at the kitchen table. He had to go get another chair and then I wanted that one instead. Yep, I'm one spoiled, diva of a Housecat but I wouldn't have it any other way. Today the first Yankees' Spring Training game is on the YES Network so I'll be Occupying the Couch so TW can't sit there. A Real Housecat of the Blogosphere's day is never done.

I gotta rest up so I can pester TW while the game is on! HAH!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Better Late Than Never

I think there's still some March left so I give you my March calendar. This month, there's 2 of me for your viewing pleasure.

Do you know March 4th is the only day of the year that's also a command? HAH! Another notable day that's not marked is the 13th when TW has to go to jury duty. Whatever will I do without her? OMC!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...