|Borrowed from The Laughter Ward's FB page|
My Pop has always been very klutzy and was banging his noggin and getting concussions at an alarming rate, so I thought that he should absolve to reduce the number of head trauma incurred in 2011. I'm happy to report after an extremely bad concussion in May, he promised his doctor he'd be more careful. Two days later, he fell and broke his elbow. On one hand, he didn't get any more concussions; on the other hand, the broken elbow was even worse so I'd have to say, he didn't keep that revolution.
I also thought that Pop should invest in a pillow-top mattress. Although he didn't get one in 2011, he promises that he'll get one in 2012. I'm gonna hold him to that. I hope he remembers the part about stuffing it with green papers although he'll probably say the well is dry after making the mattress purchase.
Another year has come and gone and TW is still a train wreck. She took my advice to stay home but forgot the part about getting paid to stay home by a real employer. Her bank account is on E, with no prospects in sight. I've tried to ease her load by winning lots of kibble so she'll only have to provide stinky goodness so Cod only knows how much longer she can provide for this little kitteh. I REFUSE TO EAT STORE BRAND! I'M A CELEBRITY!
|Have toys, will play. Won't somebody play with me??|
She keeps getting wider and wider as she shovels mountains of food into her big mouth. I suggested she give me half her chicken every night. Not only hasn't she done this but she CUT DOWN on my table scraps. I have to beg by Pop to get a crumb. The bending she gets from playing with me hasn't shrunk her waistline and she's still bouncing off the furniture because SHE DOESN'T PLAY WITH ME NEARLY ENOUGH! Pant, gasp! Lemme catch my breathe. This is so aggravating.
Oh, the litter box revolution—fahettaboudit, sez she. Not only doesn't she clean it right after I use it, but sometimes she only cleans it ONCE A DAY! This is UNACCEPTABLE! I haven't told Pop about this and he may flip his cork upon reading this. What's so funny, Woman? Are you typing this just as I'm dictating it? If I find one little error or omission, I'm gonna [censored].
|TW meet my teeth.|
The revolution about them not going out to any ballgames will become a reality in 2012. The peeps are not renewing their season tickets due to TW's laziness and lack of funds. They will instead stay home and play with the cat for free. I may need some additional toys for this and my new cat tree may play a role in this. I'm thinking of calling it CK's Cat Gym and Teeth Workout Center. You can guess who my teeth will get a workout on. HAH!
The last revolution I made was for the peeps to start cooking roast of beef and steak. This didn't happen. They made baked chicken, rotisserie chicken, chicken cacciatore, chicken chicken chicken. It's not that I don't like chicken‚ I do—but how about a little variety. Would the occasional steak kill them? A little red meat would be good for TW's cholesterol. It certainly would do wonders for my thirst for red blood. I might not even go for her's so much.
In my next post, I'll list some of my New Year's Revolutions for the peeps to follow in 2012. If they don't follow them, they'll have another crappy year like 2011.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
Hope your humans do a better job keeping their revolutions.